How To Fix A Heart
When I was younger things were different.
I guess I went through puberty first and longer than everyone else around me because in 7th grade I was already at my adult height of 5’4 1/2 [yes, the half matters] and all through middle school I was the chubby nice girl with glasses, a unique fashion sense, and terribly thick blonde streaks in my naturally brown hair.
Boys didn’t like me but they sure liked my tiny, beautiful friends and I was a good listener/middle man. Thus, I was often in charge of “getting couples together”.
I never once slow danced with a boy at a middle school dance and I definitely didn’t hold hands or kiss any either.
I was rare at that time in my life. Rare in my surroundings where girls where much more experienced, much happier I thought.
I would often cry to my mom about it saying that “nobody likes me” and that I was “ugly, fat”, you name it.
She always told me to be “careful what you wish for” and noted that things are not always how they seem.
Still, I couldn’t look past myself and my insecurities. All I saw was what I thought everyone else did.
A fat, pale, freckle faced girl who would never be loved.
Then high school happened, and suddenly my baby fat was gone and guys liked my pale skin and thought my freckles were endearing.
I literally went from zero prospects to having multiple stalkers within an 8 month period.
Despite this, I still wasn’t happy and I was still insecure.
I couldn’t stop seeing the little chubby girl that I once was, the girl that wasn’t good enough for love.
My biological father must have predicted I would be this way and that’s why he left. He knew I would never be special, never be beautiful.
So how do you fix a heart?
I wish I could say truthfully that there is a bullet proof method, but there isn’t.
Mine worked for me, but may not for you or anyone else for that matter.
None the less, here is my heart healing medley:
- Accept the Long Road Ahead: The first step to healing a heart is knowing that nothing happens overnight. For years I was convinced that there was something wrong with me because everyone else around me always expected me to just “get over it” in regards to any and all problems I had. Anyone who says that they are able to do this is lying to themselves and depriving themselves of true healing.
2. Find the Core: Everyone has one. A trigger. A moment. A day. An experience. Something that started it all. Sometimes it is a gradual thing, but it can usually always be pinpointed. For me, it was the day I knew I would never see my biological father again. When it finally dawned on me that he was not coming back I was instantly damaged. What did I do wrong to lose his love? Was it my looks, my actions? Did I talk too much or perhaps not enough? All crippling thoughts for a seven year old and I had no idea how much damage they had done to me until the day I found that this was my core, the root of my hurting heart.
3. Get Emotional: [Okay, not the Whitney kind. I just couldn’t resist using the photo. Crack is wack, or whatever the cool kids say these days] I am however a firm believer in expression. Sometimes I really just need to cry and no, I’m not talking about a few tears and then we’re good. I’m talking full on mascara running down my face, tissue filled with snot, can’t-understand-a-word-I’m-saying, crying. Music works for me as a trigger. If I know I need to cry or scream or think, I will purposely put on a playlist that will help me do so. This may seem strange, but I really think it is important to allow ourselves to feel. Our society puts so much emphasis on “being strong” and “pushing through” but we never elaborate on how a person is supposed to do those things. For me, prompting myself to feel through music when I know I’ve been bottling works.
4. Be Grateful: When your heart is hurting it is so easy to become engulfed in sorrow, believe me I know. But it is SO important to make a conscious effort to count your blessings. I make a list every single morning of the things in my life I am grateful for and I say them out loud to myself.
Have you seen this video? It is hilarious and so cute, but this little girl also has the right idea about life.
Make a daily list [and feel free to do it in your pj’s on a counter top]
5. Have Faith: My relationship with God has been my post precious and effective tool in my quest to heal my heart. Faith does not have to be in the form of religion however, you just need to have hope. To believe that something better lies ahead. The dreamer in me has always kept a steady eye on the future and I always had hope and faith that one day I would mend my broken heart and feel whole again.
6. Make Changes: Awe, change. Probably the most difficult of all steps. Why? Because we’re so damn comfortable where we are, that’s why! This was hands down the most challenging for me. I was always terrible with changes. I once yelled at my grandma for changing her carpet from blue to brown [I seriously did]. I would throw a fit over dinner plans changing from Red Robin to Applebee’s.
C.S. Lewis said, “It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”
We are all so much more than just ordinary, decent eggs. We need to give ourselves a fighting chance, and in order to do so we must embrace change. It could be as simple as changing a morning routine to changing the people you surround yourself with. For me, it was changing my attitude. I had to make a decision to love myself, forgive others for their weakness and mistakes, and take chances.
“If you want your life to be a magnificent story, then begin by realizing that you are the author and everyday you have the opportunity to write a new page”
– Mark Houlahan –